In today’s world, everyone is a people pleaser. I admit even I am to a fault. Over the last year, I have learned that this is toxic to myself. Think about it, you spend your life worrying about what other people think and making others happy or proud. Are you really happy? When’s the last time you did something for yourself? Now I am not talking about being selfish and completely ignoring others, by all means, continue to nourish and flourish those healthy relationships you have. I am specifically speaking about what makes you tick. We need to stop putting on the mask and be us, and yes I know we are all tired of wearing masks out in public. Whether it be a real mask or metaphorical. Focus on your life, because you’ll end up living it for someone else if you can’t master yourself. At the end of the day, the people you are trying so hard to impress aren’t paying your bills or living your life. Picture this: You can be you and still be loved and appreciated for your own strengths, you can thrive just by being you, and you are happy and content with your accomplishments and your life. Chasing your own tail to get attention gets you nowhere… Trust me! I have been there done that!
So take a moment to master yourself, focus on what you like and don’t like and build from there. People who are confident in who they are, are the ones who are the most successful at the end of the day. I encourage you to start a journal or private blog and start finding you. This is something I have been working on since I have started my life over in the last year. Here is a little back story, without getting into the drama and gory details.
A year ago, I moved from FL to NC. I really didn’t have much of a choice unless I wanted to live on the streets. Someone’s choices turned my little family’s life upside down. Now everyone makes mistakes, and the key is to learn from the mistakes and be a better person for it. Sadly some people don’t grow from their mistakes and stay in their immature alternate reality. Thankfully I have a great support system that helped us. Long story short, My kids and I moved and uprooted our lives to start over. Looking back I can definitely see that I was a people pleaser always seeking validation and approval because I wasn’t confident with myself and I hadn’t even considered myself because I didn’t feel worthy enough. The same person who made this choice without a care, is the same one who taught me I wasn’t worthy enough and enforced that daily. After cutting ties, I realized and hated myself for even letting someone like that to have that affect on me. This is where I grew, this is where I realized that what Eleanor Roosevelt said is true. “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” A painful truth I had to learn and admit to myself.
Once I was able to admit this and realize that I let someone control me to this extent, I finally was able to take off the mask. A mask that I retired and burned! This year hasn’t been a walk in the park. Which is to be expected, because when you face your problems you learn to grow and fight through them. Since then, I have gone back to college and work two jobs. (Three if you count raising two kids.) If I can break free of a toxic cycle and better myself in the process, so can you!
I was inspired to write this post after watching a keynote speech this evening by Dr. Zitty Nxumalo, where I learned what it means to be a woman and how to thrive. The one thing that really resonated with me in this hour speech is the advice given at the end.
Weigh your options. Know what you like and don’t like.
Own your choices, blaming others will leave you stuck.
Make a decision! Pause, Pray, Breathe, Think, à Then Go!
Always analyze yourself before analyzing anyone else. Master yourself!
Nurture your valuable non-romantic relationships.
This way of thinking should help you blossom into who you truly are. Don’t let anyone control who you are, and most definitely take off that mask!
Don’t get lost in the sauce!!!
It’s so important to be your own anchor, no one else can live your life. You were given it for a reason, and its yours. Own It!
If you would like to watch this speech please go to http://edgefactor.com/aatc-takeover and look for the keynote speaker link. It was truly an amazing speech and so inspiring for me, I hope in sharing it with you it will help you as much as it helped me.